The reality of life can be so hard, we immerse ourselves in social blindfolds. Deflecting the harsh, brutal ways of this world. Except what we have inadvertently done, is run straight into the most extreme existence of abuse. The abusers sit behind closed doors, hide behind their weapons of mass destruction. Social media. They fire without thought, words that have a devastating impact on the receiver. The online bullies protect themselves through fake accounts, trolling and abusing the vulnerable. Let’s teach our kids to be aware of online abuse, to not partake or condone those who act in this manner.
Sticks and stones can break bones, but words can KILL!
Spoken or typed.
I am before you exposed, revealing all, hiding nothing.
I am no longer influenced by those who have tried to define me by their standards.
Over the years, I have shamefully denied myself of my own love. Trying to change the features that I was blessed with, wanting to please others and their definition of beauty.
It’s only now as a mother I realise, that true beauty is acceptance of ones self.
To be beautiful is to be you, don’t hide yourself anymore, behold who you are and fall in love.
The Queens of our past, birthed from the lands of this earth. Brave, defiant, demanding equality in a mans world.
They were the first true feminist.
Standing strong, they fought against the oppression of their people. Empowered by the wisdom of their mothers, embracing the perfection of womanhood. They knew no boundaries, legends of our history.
They stood for the Queen in each of us, that we may be proud of the heritage given to all women.
We are Queens.
My thoughts never sleep.
Instead they dwell on the past, wondering what if.
My thoughts are explosive.
They scream at the present, demanding an immediate reaction.
My thoughts cannot find peace.
Racing ahead of time, seeking the answers to questions only time can answer.
My thoughts……….are not my own.
Over 2000 jobs losses has occurred within the first month of 2013 in the UK. Poverty has become the spoilt child of recession, screaming and demanding attention from all. We are left with homelessness wide spread, contagious hitting the least expected. Unsympathetic voices jeer at those who have made the streets their home. Ignorant chants of how did they let themselves get in that state. Was it easy for them to chose to be cold or hungry, or were they trapped in the cycle of poverty. It has no partiality to race, gender or age. Like unrequited love, poverty clings aware of its destruction, not caring one bit.
The question is how do we rid ourselves of this disease that infests our lands. We can not quarantine those infected, like lepers of old. We have to take charge, be responsible for our humanity. Empathise through actions, instead of empty words. Give, share, embrace those who need you. Don’t pass them by, don’t ignore what could be your own fate one day. Take action now, rewrite the future of poverty. Let it become a thing of the pass, once talked about and never to be experienced.
Forty one years ago today, I was born to a wonderful mother, too young to know better. I was born into poverty, struggle and desperation. Through self determination, my mother did the unexpected. She gave me the very best, even if she starved, she taught me that life can be better. She showed me how hard you have to work for life, how much you should value it. She taught me poverty is of the mind first, enrich our minds and all will follow. She broke the cycle of poverty so I will never know it.
There are scars that are visible,
Scars that are hidden,
Scars that will fade with time,
Scars that are memories, pain and joy.
Before you are my scars,
My reminder that I’m alive,
“All the carnall beauty of my wife, Is but skin deep.”
Sir Thomas Overbury
You will not see my beauty on the surface of my skin, nor will you find it within the depths of my flesh.
It only exists within the love of my heart, you’ll hear my beauty in the laughter of my children.
Taste it from a seat at my table, hold it from the embrace of my arms.
Keep it by the capture of my soul…
My beauty is you.
Those unspoken thoughts of past secrets, future dreams, promises made and broken. All embedded deep within my consciousness, whispering their demands of my mind. Like adolescent children, seeking my undivided attention, each thought equally important, each one a burden.
So now I’m consumed by my unspoken thoughts…….my mind, my heart, my subconscious spirit.
I’ve been aloof lately not wanting to be close or commit to anyone or anything. Mostly not wanting to commit to myself and the demands I frequently set myself. I was lost within my goals, I forgot how to be still and reflect on the now. So by force my mind released the shackles of control.
I stopped so I could create, I listened so I could write, I observed so I could capture!
I found myself again.
Farewell August the month of summer days, filled with childish adventures, berries and collectable stones. Playful walks by the sea, rag dolls and softies, flowers and lanterns in trees.
“to be at peace you must first know what peace is, how then will you recognise it when it enters your soul”
i was born to continue the race for life and survival. i stand here to be grounded in mind and thought. i act to channel my ambition towards goals not met. i speak to prophesy words of creativity into this space. i hold you to strengthen my heart and soul. i am yours to be one with the universal laws of this Earth.
“knowing your journey within the spiritual flow of the universe, will open your mind to all knowledge and wisdom of existence”
Posted in Life!, Poetry
“peace is embraced when your mind is clear, your mind is clear when you are ready to embrace peace”
“there is a new type of prison, its walls are the boundaries subject to postcodes and household earnings. its guard is the govenment who tax us daily. there is a new type of prison, its walls is the technology that consumes our time. its guard is the social networks that supress our thoughts to nothing. there is a new type of prison, its walls is our minds and our moral compass. its guard is the ignorance that dictates our every thought.”
“a mind dependent on the rudiments of society, will never be free to think”
Posted in Life!, Poetry
Her voice is my peace
Some days can be a real struggle, trying to keep up with four very strong minded children, work 9-5, manage a business and be the perfect wife. It’s those difficult days when no matter how much organising and planning I do, everything becomes a complete shambles. Today was one of those days, my eldest daughter could see my energy slowly depleting. So with her thoughtful manner she played me one of her pacifying melodies. My heart instantly slowed to a pace of deep meditation, my mind relinquished it’s hold on the stressful day. I surrendered to her voice and let the peace of her heart enter mine. She’s my coffee in the morning, my midday walk, my evening chamomile! What would I do with out my Faith x
Posted in Life!
Time to reflect on a summer fast drawing to an end, was it all I planned it to be. Did we challenge ourselves experiencing the new, discovering the ‘undiscoverable’. In hindsight I would of travelled further afield, broken out of my comfort zone of the Southeast coastline. I pondered today as I opened my post, will I leave this earth not seeing even ten percent of its beauty first hand. I can’t imagine being confined to one room in my home, so why are we so comfortable being confined to one corner of this beautiful earth. Have we become dependant on technology to bring the experiences of the world to us. I refuse to be an armchair traveller, I reject the fantasy of making those first steps on foreign land, instead they will become my realities. If not for myself I’m determined for my children, as my mother always says, experience is the best teacher. In the last two years we have travelled to the continent of Africa twice, teaching our children about the cultures across the mediterranean sea. There is an abundance of learning to be absorb into their growing minds, from these vast cultures old and new. It took me nearly forty years to realise there is more to this land, than the concrete urban walls of London.
This summer my daughter stood at the point where the Thames Estuary meets the North Sea. She realised she stood in the same waters that flows to the borders of the Netherlands. How marvellous would it be for her to travel to Holland, stand on its coastline visualising her home across the sea in London. We are so close yet circumstance force us to be worlds apart! Albeit we are in control of our destinies. Do we accept the certainty laid out before us, or do we seize the day, bridging the gap between fantasy and reality.
My heart may beat to the rhythm of the ones I love here beside me, still my dreams ascends to the pull of the glowing Sun, orbited by lands of this earth. Summer was a reality check, a reminder of where I am, moreover where I will go.
During the children’s summer break we made our way down the english coastline, collecting stones and discovering new ways to get soaked. The best one was my three year old becoming hysterical due to humongous seagulls soaring the skies for prizes below. She panicked so much that she fell backwards into the sea (well just onto the seashore)! The boys however thought it best to dive straight in fully clothed of course, playing chicken with the waves. It’s a good thing my motherly instincts are at their best on day trips. Spare clothes packed, potty packed, sick bag packed, oh and not forgetting sanitizer gel packed! We had a lot of fun and made loads of new memories for those rainy days stuck indoors, a bit like today.
My daughters love to collect stones from every beach they visit, home and abroad. Hopefully by the time they’re old enough to travel solo, they should have quite a collection, with wonderful stories to tell about each one.
A wise man once told me to listen, to question, to act with thought. to speak, to laugh, to never hold back. to strive, to reach, to educate ones self. to be bold, to be strong, to take what is yours. to show compassion, to trust, to share with the poor. to build, to maintain, to grow with wisdom. to love, to cry, to be a good son. to marry, to provide, to build a nation.
Posted in Life!
She talks so proudly of the day I was born, she remembers holding me making promises only she could keep. I was her one and only, I was hers.
She was always stern, very generous with her corrections. Showing love was for the weak and idle, her love was to provide a home secure and sound. Her love was to teach me all she knew, learn from her mistakes, grow within her wisdom. Her actions were like a Shakespearean script, poetic yet striking deep within your heart, embedded in your memory never to be forgotten. Her words hidden within her struggle, only heard by those she allowed to get close. I was close, I felt her strength binding us in love, protecting us from her pain. She faltered not in her quest for perfection, I was to be perfect, I was hers. She held us together with pennies and spuds, we never starved, we never wasted a morsel. Value of life was a must in our home, teaching me to be proud of the least and the great. She taught me to become the only thing she knew, a mother, a wife, a legacy bearer for all the women who came before her.
Posted in Life!
My heart beats while the ground hibernates in preparation for new beginnings.
My words reaching deep into you, capturing your subconscious.
My mind knows no boundaries, holds no fears, searching beyond the stars with thought.
My imagination births life, creates ideas manifested from my psyche.
My soul soars carefree amongst the planes of the universe, reaching to where my eyes cannot see,
curious for truth revealing that what was hidden within me.
August so far has been a wonderfully productive month for me, my excitement has surpassed the point of overflow. With the up and coming LAMAF exhibition in Los Angeles, pioneering mobile photography and art at it’s best. It’s a huge honour for me to be amongst the 225 talented artists who’s work will be on display.
Alongside that I was asked to do an interview with the very talented Anna Cox who is one of the Juxters from the innovative We are Juxt community. If you have a moment put your feet up and have a read here. It was a real joy and very therapeutic to be able to share with everyone what makes me tick. An image is more than a visual appetiser, it’s an interpretation of ones inner most thoughts, a vision birthed from the Pineal universe in ones mind.
Posted in Jahsharn Photography, Life!
Tagged ambition, career, Exhibition, goals, Interviews, iPhone 4, Jahsharn, Jahsharn Photography, Mobile Art, Mobile Photography
They stand close almost inseparable, knowing they have each other for support is a comfort to them. Strong is his hands, clasping his joy who knows no fear when she is with him. Adventure is only ahead, seeking the unknown in each step they make, never falling but trudging through muddy waters. To claim the memory of the day, spoken over and over on their long journey home.
For those of us that have the maternal urge to want a family, comes immense love, never ending joy and not enough patience
I’m speaking from having gained a doctorate in parenthood (four kids under 12) yes I told you I am highly qualified. I’ve always been a very tolerant person, I reackon I can endure more than the average person. However my beautiful children have managed to stretch my patience this summer to the brink of collapse. Don’t get me wrong, I love them unconditionally while trying not to, but secretly doing so I spoil them good ( I hate the saying rotten). Unfortunately spoiling your children can come with dire consequences! Bearing in mind my view of spoiling is of an emotionally overbearing parent, not one who showers their child with material substance etc. You see I teach my children to have an opinion on everything. I encourage them to question what they don’t understand. If they want something, ask or try and figure out a way to get it, I embrace free thinking and encourage debates. Unfortunately when you have four very strong minded individuals, two of which are going through puberty, one is in her prime of the terrible twos, while the other has created another level of child psychology all to himself.
Maybe my encouragement has subsequently backed fired on me, I cannot recollect a time when my house was quiet enveloped by peace. Instead I grasp any moment of solitude, usually during the night when they are charging their batteries, ready for another day of political debate on home affairs.
There are times my husband and I muse at their “playful” interaction, while being totally astounded at their cunning abilities to out wit each other. Trust me one day my children will be great, they are too determined to be anything lesser.
Most of all I’m in awe of their skilful technique in coercing me to say the dreaded ’YES’!
So as I write this, I raise my glass to all parents old, new and soon to be.
For a child’s wisdom is so beyond our years, birthed from a pure and undiluted mind!
Posted in Life!, Rants
Tagged Brothers, children, choices, emotions, family, Growing, human, Jahsharn, Life, lifestyle, Living, love, Parenthood, Parents, sisters
Young and still fragile, your mind grows.
Captivated by life, intrigued through discovery.
Inspired with those inherited words of wisdom.
You’ll become far greater than I expected.
My love will be your foundation in life.
Courage shall see you through adversity.
The strength in your ancestors blood,
Holds the key to all that you are and will be.
Fulfilling my duty to watch, nurture and teach you.
I can only but imagine you as the man you will become.
I will be proud, I will boast, I will dream of you this day.
As I hold you now, only six years old,
I’m holding only a fragment of you.
Posted in Life!
Tagged ambition, Art, children, choices, emotions, expressions, family, goals, human, iPhone 4, Jahsharn, Life, Living, love, memories, Mobile Photography, personal, poem, Self portraits
My soul is overwhelmed by so many emotions.
Yet my eyes have mastered the art of concealment.
My mind relives the pain that consumed me as I heard those words.
Yet my voice is as calm as the sea breeze through your window.
Tears overflow within me, drowning all that should be said, questions that cannot be answered.
Yet I stare clearly into your eyes, revealing my false strength.
You lay there, no longer strong. Your voice is silent, your humour is gone. I hold your hand that cannot hold mine, even my kiss is lost to you.
Yet my arms reach out to embrace the memory of you, while my heart cries out to a reality that is cruel and unforgiving.
Slowly you are fading…….
Freedom of the Mind
I have become very audacious in my approach to life, if anything I have learnt that time waits for no one. Carpe diem is the infrastructure of my thoughts, like an intense desire to aggrandise all my aspirations. Failure is not an option, I need to look back on these days with a comforting sigh of fulfilment. I use to ridicule anyone proclaiming that life began at forty, preferably opting for the more attractive years of 30. Astoundingly I have discovered that they were all true! Clarity is the key, the entirety of my life experiences has been leading to this moment. I know now what my school career advisor omitted to tell me, and that is the choices you make in life isn’t set in concrete. They evolve to become something far greater, it’s whether you choose to evolve with them.
We are not subject to the conditions of the society that surrounds us. Instead we create our own spiritual environment in which we thrive and grow. Positivity is the key, mentally training your thoughts to think in a manner that will always benefit your plans for your future. I’ve learnt this the hard way, the transition from always wishing I had a better life, to knowing and achieving a better life was a struggle. However I do not want to dwell on past mistakes, instead I’ve learnt from them and moved on swiftly.
With this said I have chosen ‘Ambition’ to be my legacy. Why this? Consider the implications of always being ambitious. You’ll never give up, you will always desire the optimum results from everything you do. You will ultimately achieve the goals you have set out in life.
You see the society we live in today is producing a culture of conformity, mental laziness, consumed by brainwashing media. This culture will not nurture the young minds of the next generation to think, grow and become the innovators of the future. So hence my legacy for my children will not leave them stuck within a category, that is set before them according to their social circle. They will know and believe anything is possible, ‘Aim High’ is the motto of my daughters school. Aim high is our motto in life so I ask you, what will be your legacy!
Time stands still
My thoughts try disperately to recollect the life I led before you embraced my soul.
Even a tangible moment that defined my existences.
Memories of laughter, tears, pain become lost to my psyche.
Who was I?
Where was I?
Your love has buried my past.
Our love has created my future.
Time forever stands still.
Dreaming of the Sun
‘Summer’ what can I say, except it’s been a bit of a non starter.
I thrive on the sun for inspiration and rejuvenation, as a urban farmer (allotment owner) my relationship with the elements are so fundamental. Our ancestors use to look upon the skies for signs, they were directed when to plant their crops. Harvesting was a ritual never to be missed, our relationship with the sun, moon and stars go beyond our birth.
We evolved through the elements of the galaxies to be birthed into this realm we call mother earth. Our creator being the almighty and awesome God who IS and exists within the universe. He forged our minds to be one with the constellations, sustained our bodies with the rays of the sun and set our life cycles to the rotation of the moon.
However I feel starved of its glorious rays my days seem no longer fulfilled, even the summer solstice was over before it began.
So here I sit and dream of the Sun!
A Sisters Love
You were too young for tea parties and a world of make believe, full of fantasy and childish dreams.
Yet I would wait patiently for you to wake, to hear your soft cry. While with those tiny hands you would search the world above your perfect face.
I knew one day we would go on adventures, seeking the unknown of a land so vast with fields, rivers, mountains and oceans.
Yet I wait patiently for you to crawl, to make your first steps. I hear your whimsical laughter, strange sounds forming my name.
I dream of the day when we will sing songs created through folk tales of our daily walks. We will whisper secrets of our past and future, our hearts filled with all that we desire.
Yet I wait patiently for you to chose your first dress, so we can dance and pretend we are queens from a far distant place.
We will be regal with glorious gowns of flowing silk. While the sun shines on our skin we will lay down and dream of our kings.
Yet I wait patiently for your love that only a sister can give.
Silence is killing me
Silence is a virtue that’s impossible to learn.
It’s deafening cries provoke me to reveal its inner most secrets.
I can’t keep silence concealed, no matter how much I yearn to ignore its presence.
I always surrender to its imperious behaviour, giving in to its demands to speak.
Silence is my jailkeeper, the strong man of my thoughts.
I’m powerless to its force, like an addiction to a drug.
My vulnerability is its strength, it shows no pity for me.
It has no remorse for those who are weak.
There is nothing that can repair what silence has broken.
There is no one that can change what I have spoken.
Silence is killing me.
As humans we go through countless emotions throughout one day, week or a life time! The way we express ourselves is governed by the emotions we are feeling at that time in our lives. However these feelings are birthed from two foundational emotions. Some people say there is no name for these two emotions but I believe they are called ‘love and fear’. If we start with love, we can spawn so many feelings likewise with fear. I reckon most of us dwell quite comfortably in the middle or grey area of these emotions.
I’m writing this blog in conjunction with the exploration of the human emotion through self portraits! I’ve had the extraordinary experience of making the acquaintance, virtually and in person with a variety of people. Some of whom happened to be going through what I have now named the ‘human emotion scale’. Depending on where they are on this scale, defines their personality. I’m not a scientist nor am I qualified in any medical field, so please do not take this literally. This is purely speculation from many years of observation of the people I have met briefly or have formed a lasting friendship with.
I will use myself as an example; I would say I’m a people’s person, making friends comes easliy to me. I’m a lover of community living rather than a loner who prefers seclusion. I thrive better in an environment that is easy going with no confrontation or intense pressure. I’m a ‘part-time naturist’ without the nudity, I try to give back to the earth as much as I take from it. I truly believe in God and Karma and I’m very much aware of the way I think governs what happens around me.
With this said , I believe I’m leaning towards the love side of the ‘human emotion scale’. I tend to be very optimistic about life and always see the good in people unless their actions prove otherwise. Let there be no misunderstanding, I do experience the fear a mother has when her child is not in her presence, I get stressed with life sometimes and on rare occasions I have let anger get the better of me. Nevertheless I always try to centre myself with love, balance out those negative vibes with knowing my life will always get better, if I chose it to be.
Nonetheless fear is a very strong emotion and can consume someone who is not strong enough to overcome it grasp. Through fear people can develop a personality that is always paranoid and skeptical. You’ll find it hard to get close to them through their fear of rejection, they even fear themselves and lack confidence. They aren’t necessarily shy, however they can hide their fear through being very aggressive and overpowering, not giving anyone a chance to question or discover who they really are.
At this point I would like to illiterate that these are just my opinions. So you’re asking yourself what has this got to do with iPhoneography and self portraits? Bloody good question!
I’ve decided to explore the human emotion and how it makes people react. How would you react to someone who was nonchalant, aggressive or guarded. How would you communicate with someone who’s eyes were filled with emptiness, loss or sorrow. Do we walk away and avoid such people or would you chose to reach out and embrace them with compassion and love.
I’ve started photographing several self portraits portraying an affective state of consciousness, indeed the response to these images have been favourable from a technical appreciation towards iPhoneart. However I want to start a discussion on how you’ve empathised or not, with someone displaying similar characteristics to the ones I have mentioned. How do you deal with your own emotions, especially when they get the better of you! To start you off, I have posted several images titled with their relevant mental state.
In conclusion to this blog, I hope to have a collection of moving experiences that can guide us through life and our human emotions.